letting things out.. over stress...how do i feel...n y understnding me is difficult

letting things out.. over stress...how do i feel...n y understnding me is difficultShare

ME>33
Just because i have been quiet all this while, dosen't mean i dont have anything to say, its just that i don't want to waste my time saying it because no wont will ever understand. If I do judge people from my first impression on them, well that is how everybody will judge. I do rather wait forever for the perfect somebody to show me the perfect life, than settle for anybody who don't really have an idea who I am now. i have been unpredictable and spontaneous at times but it has help me to understand life better. In a way, i thoght I am a forgiving person but i realise its hard to forgive and forget and i have finally understand why is that now.
If i just enjoy being unique or wired dosen't make me childish because it makes me happy to go on. I do rather look immatured or over matured and just have fun than rather care what other people think about me or what they are going to say about me.Sometimes i can really be over confident, other times i just feel really insecure but for me its normal and isn't a crime to feel such a way.
My family, friends and my student means everything to me but some times i just want to be alone just to figure out myself who I want to be. i sometimes envy to see people who can fit in so easily n have an easy life without even working hard to be somewhere, when i have been trying with all my strengh to just help out my love ones to make life better. i really hope that sometimes these people who i care so much can just understand mefor why i do this.
I am opinionated and stubborn, but i am loyal, sincere and caring at times because i dont like showing feeling because it is not necessary. But i have promise myself to be the best if i choose to be in something in my life and whoeva who comes in to my life should want the best for me. Even if i can be the most annoying person.
just please stop making me fel guilty. I really hate it when someone makes me feel guilty to get their way in things, just give me a chance because i m really trying hard to not let anybody down. As who i am, i will always be the same person who i was eventhough things has change and i will still be there if you need me, i will listen if i have too, i will let out problems in me to make you understand, i will be as understanding as i can for thats all i can do, and maybe stick up for anything which comes in my way no matter what happen.